Pabst Blue Ribbon

First Brewed: 1844
Brewery Location: Originally Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States; now based in Woodridge, Illinois, United States
ABV: 4.74%

History & Availability: What, am I a hipster now? PBR was actually most popular back in the late '70s, making the recent hipster revival a little less surprising. While Pabst claims that the "Blue Ribbon" branding comes from being named "America's Best" beer at some expo in Chicago in 1893, reports surrounding the event are conflicting at best. It's probably better to take this one at face value and not think too hard about it.

Appearance: Ever-so-slightly more golden than the average golden lager, PBR has little carbonation, but oddly has one of those marshmallow fluff heads that only dissipates after you look away. A real pain for playing drinking games with because of this tendency (who wants to de-foam 14+ cups, anyway?), even though (as above) that seems to be the main attraction of this beer. One the initial pour dies down, a few bubbles make their way lazily to the surface here and there, keeping the slightest of heads present in the mug.

Smell: Back to the good old rusty metal. More of a nickel than a copper or iron this time. PBR is another beer that intelligently keeps its aromatic profile low in favor of not scaring off potential consumers. There's a little hint of corn behind the metal, but that's probably only because I'm really straining to find something else here.

Taste: Up front, the taste isn't really all that bad. Not particularly bitter, and it's got the taste of fresh-cut grass and a hint of corn playing around your tongue. The aftertaste leaves a little something to be desired, with a rather wet residue and little to none of the crisp, hoppy notes that allow other higher-end American goldens to stay clean.

Mouthfeel: Mid-weight (i.e., heavy for the style) and wet. This is not a beer that dances around, staying active as you savor the flavor in your mouth. This is a beer that you pour directly down your gullet, or a beer that you hold at your own peril. By the way, don't let it warm up. That's not pleasant.

Drinkability: I feel like a whale after two pints. It's probably because I am a whale, but the noticeably heavier body of PBR compared to its peers certainly doesn't help. If you have a huge stomach and don't mind water weight, the flavor is certainly inoffensive enough to allow mass drinking.

Overall verdict: B-; much as I hate to say it, one of the best truly cheap beers. I'd definitely take it over Bud/Miller/Coors.

Tsingtao

First Brewed: 1903
Brewery Location: Qingdao (Tsingtao), Shandong, China
ABV: 4.8%

History & Availability: Founded by German nationals in China, Tsingtao was originally named Germania Brauerei until it was sold to the Dai-Nippon brewery, a Japanese company that today is split into Asahi and Sapporo breweries. Following World War II it finally became Chinese-owned, and was nationalized in 1949 along with the rest of Chinese private enterprise. It was reprivatized in 1993 and remains so today. The branding "Tsingtao" comes from the old French transliteration of the name of the city of Qingdao. This is largely because China's beer market was severely underdeveloped for many years in the middle of the century, and as a result the majority of production was sold to foreign markets. Despite this transliteration, it's actually pronounced closer to "Ching-dow." The beer was introduced to the US in 1972 and has remained the most popular Chinese beer on the market (not that that's saying much, but come on). Tsingtao also currently remains the most popular beer in China, holding 15% of the market share.

Appearance: A light but rich corn yellow, this beer has very little carbonation and no head at all as a result. Without going into undue detail, it looks almost exactly like every other beer in the past two weeks.

Smell: Surprisingly crisp and sweet. Interestingly, this isn't a malty sweetness at all, which tends to be subdued, or I guess the best way I can describe it is a "dark" sweetness - instead the smell of Tsingtao is a bright sweetness, reminiscent of sherbet (or sorbet if you're a little more sophisticated than I am).

Taste: Again, surprisingly sweet. To be clear, it's not like you're drinking straight syrup, and the sweetness is balanced out nicely with a largely bitter aftertaste, but the sweetness is the most important taste here for sure. Besides the sugary foreground, there's a hint of peanut or cashew flavor that really adds some depth to the beer. I can imagine this pairing wonderfully with some higher-quality Chinese food.

Mouthfeel: Noticeably heavier-bodied than all the American macrobrews. Carbonation stays nice and low while still allowing for enough activity to keep the beer from being flat in the mouth.

Drinkability: You do tend to get the burps from this beer, and it's presence in the stomach doesn't go unnoticed. Nevertheless I found it no trouble at all to put back a couple of bottles. Especially if you're eating a well-paired meal along with the brew - which I highly recommend for most beers, but especially this one - you'll hardly notice how much you've had until you hit the bottom of the mug.

Overall verdict: B, another pleasant surprise this week. This may become my go-to golden lager.

Labatt Blue Light

First Brewed: 1983
Brewery Location: London, Ontario, Canada
ABV: 4.0%

History & Availability: It's Labatt Blue, except Light. What about it makes it "Light?" That, dear reader, is a mystery. Not nearly as well-distributed as the US

Appearance: Thinner than standard Labatt's. About the same color, but carbonation seems less active and as a result there's literally no head at all within a minute. It's actually surprising, usually even with beers that don't have any head retention at all you'll get a little fizz around the edges of the mug. With this beer there's literally nothing.

Smell: Much like Labatt standard, but missing most of that apple scent. Instead it's just iron. It's a subtle scent and doesn't particularly permeate the air around the glass, which is probably a good thing.

Taste: Again, much like the standard Labatt, this has essentially no beer taste to it. It's essentially Perrier with a yellow tint. However, unlike regular Labatt, there's a weird taste almost like rubbing alcohol that's hiding behind the soda water foreground.

Mouthfeel: Light and fizzy, again like soda water. It's rather unpleasant for me but for people who like soda water, I guess you wouldn't find it too objectionable.

Drinkability: Well, it's pretty good in terms of weight. Although I was looking around on the internet and found out that it's only 4 calories fewer per serving than Guinness. On the other hand it just tastes awful. So, 5/10 in this category I suppose, for being half-great and half-just-tastes-awful.

Overall verdict: D-. Avoid, even in favor of other light beers.

Michelob Ultra Pomegranate Raspberry

First Brewed: After 2002
Brewery Location: St. Louis, Missouri, United States
ABV: 4.0%

History & Availability: Owned by Anheuser-Busch (which is in turn owned by Anheuser-Busch-InBev), Michelob is (as I'm sure you all know) one of the more successful macro pale lagers in the United States. Michelob Light was introduced in 1978, and in response to the growing low-carb fad, Michelob Ultra was introduced in 2002. And that brings us to the fruity versions of Michelob Ultra, including (in addition to this one) Lime Cactus, Tuscan Orange Grapefruit, and Dragon Fruit Peach. Availability should be only slightly lower than Michelob itself; which is to say, almost everywhere.

Appearance: Bright canary yellow, with a fizzy head that nevertheless has more staying power than Coors Light did (although only slightly). Carbonation is medium, leading to slight activity on the surface. The beer is crystal clear and almost seems to glow. This is, surprisingly, a much nicer-looking beer than the other light beers this week. The one problem I have with it is the presentation - who the hell sells beer in clear bottles? Honestly?

Smell: They are not joking around. This beer smells like a full-on raspberry farm, and the pomegranate follows close behind. There's absolutely no beer smell masked behind this; if I had to guess, Michelob Ultra standard edition probably smells a lot like other light beers, which is to say, has no inherent smell at all - so it's no surprise that the fruit smells completely overpower any beer smell.

Taste: Well I'll be damned. This ain't a good beer, but it ain't half bad neither. The taste is not exactly what I was expecting; from the smell I was under the impression that I'd be drinking straight-up raspberry juice. Instead it's this weird dry sour wheat taste. Not really much fruitiness to it, but it's definitely sour rather than bitter so it's unlike any other beer I've had before.

Mouthfeel: Dry and clean are the words of the day here. Removing half the carbs from this beer has really made it lighter than air. Activity is fizzy at worst, nothing too overly bubbly.

Drinkability: Much like the other light beers, drinkability is pretty damn good. Even moreso since this beer actually has nothing in it, as opposed to just purporting to have nothing in it.

Overall verdict: C+, and since I came in expecting this beer to be a D-, it's one of the most pleasant surprises I've had in my entire rating career.

Coors Light

First Brewed: 1978
Brewery Location: Golden, Colorado, United States
ABV: 4.2%

History & Availability: Since I probably won't find Coors Banquet beer, I'll touch on the history of Coors as a whole here too. The Coors Brewing Company was founded in 1873 and was one of only a few US breweries to survive Prohibition by leaning heavily on non-alcoholic interests, including porcelain and malted milk. Historically Coors has been a regional-only beer, being marketed to the western half of the United States exclusively for over 100 years. Coors Light was introduced as the light beer fad was becoming popular, and by the mid-1980s the brand was being sold nationwide.

Appearance: Slightly paler than the other recent beers, Coors Light is more of a pastel yellow with little to no haze. Carbonation starts out strong but after the inital fizz there is literally no head at all besides a few bubbles coalescing by the edges. Within about 5 minutes there's almost no carbonation left in the beer at all.

Smell: Another beer that's very light on the smell. I guess they've put a lot of effort into making sure no one can actually smell their product. On the plus side, no metal. So I guess I can chalk this category down as completely neutral.

Taste: Unpleasant. It's another Labatt-style beer where taste is assumed to be the enemy, so the brew tends to stay away from any flavor in particular. Nevertheless, unlike Labatt, Coors Light has a weird unplaceable decomposing-wild-rice taste and is one of the few beers I physically wrinkle my nose at while drinking. Aftertaste is wet due largely to the lack of alcohol but helped along by the fact that there's no hops or malt flavor to speak of.

Mouthfeel: Fades away into nothingness even as you hold it in your mouth. Upon first sipping you'll notice a little bit of activity as the beer churns, but within a second or two the activity is gone and this beer feels like a very slightly carbonated water.

Drinkability: Much like all the other beers of the style, drinkability is the one place where these beers are above average. Coors Light is a drink that you can gulp down without any trouble, especially with the comparatively low alcohol content.

Overall verdict: D, we're skirting dangerously close to "offensively bad" but we're not quite there yet.

Foster's Lager

First Brewed: 1887
Brewery Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
ABV: 5.0%

History & Availability: Despite the hilariously over-the-top Australian stereotype ads that Foster's puts out, the beer isn't actually all that popular in Australia itself. Instead the beer makes most of its profit, like Beck's, on exports, particularly to the UK. It's brewed under license in 8 different countries and sold basically everywhere alcohol is legal, so you should have no trouble finding it at any major beer vendor.

Appearance: Ever so slightly darker than the other recent beers. More of an amber color, appropriately. Carbonation is really low and as you'd expect there's basically no head within a minute of pouring. Be aware that the oil can is actually 750 mL, not 24oz as I was expecting - I overflowed my mug. 'oops'

Smell: Not too offensive at all. It's significantly less metallic than Bud, and has that same masked apple scent as Labatt. I'm even smelling a little bit of potato in here. And to be honest, any smell that isn't an element on the periodic table is fine by me at this end of the spectrum.

Taste: Almost nothing to it. It's not quite as devoid of flavor as Labatt, but nearly there. What little taste exists isn't particularly pleasant, but it's not horribly unpleasant either. Nevertheless I have to wrinkle my nose a little while I drink it. You can taste the alcohol in this beer, unfortunately.

Mouthfeel: Bubbly. The finish is pretty dry despite the only average alcohol levels since there's nothing else in the beer to tone it down. Other than that, it's pretty average for the style - very watery and light.

Drinkability: As I mentioned above, the fact that you can taste the alcohol right on the tip of your tongue is a little discouraging. But again, nevertheless, this is a beer that I'm able to finish without too much disgust setting in. I wouldn't have more than one 750 mL can, but one is... acceptable.

Overall verdict: C-. Easy to drop this one right between Budweiser and Labatt.

Budweiser

First Brewed: 1876 Brewery Location: More than 30 breweries worldwide; headquartered in St. Louis, Missouri, United States ABV: 5.0% History & Availability: "King of Beers." This section is actually the main reason I chose to review this beer. The vast majority of people don't realize it, but the word "Budweiser" is actually a German adjective used to describe a thing or person from the city of České Budějovice (German: Budweis) in Bohemia, Czech Republic. So when Anheuser-Busch, the American brewing giant, tries to claim the rights to the name "Budweiser" in Europe, it's almost comical - it would be like trying to copyright the name "New Yorker." (Ooh, struck a little close to home there.) In any case there are actually a number of beers from the city of Budweis that legitimately call themselves "Budweiser," so be aware than when traveling in Europe you may not be ordering the beer you expect. Not that you'd ever order a Budweiser on purpose, but just in case. The beer itself is made with rice in addition to hops and barley malt, which subtly changes the flavor. Anheuser-Busch claims that their "beechwood aging process," wherein beechwood chips are introduced to the aging vessels, enhances the smoothness of the beer, but in actuality the chips are pre-boiled in baking soda before being introduced to the beer precisely to remove all of the flavor from the wood. As for availability, you can pick up Bud anywhere in the world - it's the most popular beer in the US, leading Anheuser-Busch to its current 50.9% of the entire market share - and is exported heavily worldwide. In many countries it is sold as simply "Bud" due to the aforementioned copyright issues, but it's the same beer. Appearance: A nice piss-yellow, totally clear, and with a good deal of carbonation. The head pours fizzy and large as is average for an American macro, and dissipates within a minute as expected, but the one thing to note here is that after the head has dissipated the carbonation rises straight through the remaining trace. In most beers lots of carbonation means the head stays thick, but for Bud it appears as though the bubbles are literally pushing the head aside as they rise to the surface and escaping that way. So I guess to put it in a word, viscosity of the head is very low. Smell: A much stronger and more distinctive smell than Labatt, Budweiser also has enough alcohol in it so that it's present in the scent. There's no pleasing scent of fruit here, no apple or pear to mask the metal. I wouldn't go so far as to call this beer coppery, but it's along the same lines as tarnished silver. Taste: Have you ever wondered what it would taste like if you were to melt down an aluminum can and drink the resulting substance? I think I may have found the answer. There's not a single redeeming quality about the taste of this beer. The only thing that softens the blow is that the silvery taste is not as offensive as some of the harsher metals. Not that I'm advocating taste-testing different metals, but I bet you'll find a penny tastes a lot worse than a dime. Don't ask me why I know this information. Mouthfeel: Only slightly heavier than the assorted Light beers that plague store shelves and pub menus. I always found it particularly entertaining that the only beers the have "Light" versions are the beers that didn't need any lightening to begin with. Drinkability: Honestly, I've gotta give the beer points here. There have been beers out there (Harpoon Winter Warmer being a good example) that I simply couldn't finish. Bud is not one of them. I would never, ever choose this beer over any micro, but if it was handed to me for free at a party I'd be able to drink it so as not to appear ungrateful.

Overall verdict: D+. I await the upcoming Bud Light with abject horror.

Labatt Blue

You didn't ask for it! You didn't demand it! But I'm providing it anyway! SHITTY BEER WEEK is a go! Five increasingly shitty macrobrews will pull down the grading curve over the course of the next week.

First Brewed: 1951
Brewery Location: Originally Toronto, Ontario, Canada; now London, Ontario, Canada
ABV: 5.0% in Canada; 4.7% in the US

History & Availability: Labatt Blue stole the title of Canada's best-selling beer from one of Labatt's earlier offerings, Labatt 50, in 1979, and although it's no longer the best-selling beer in the country, it is still the best-selling Canadian beer worldwide. With Labatt being the largest brewer in Canada, their current flagship beer is unsurprisingly sold across the country, and imported heavily to the US. An easy way I've found to remember the spread in the US is the following chain: Labatt -> Canada -> ice hockey -> which states play ice hockey? And accordingly, Labatt Blue is most popular in the northern midwest (i.e. Minnesota and the surrounding states) and northern New England/upstate New York.

Appearance: A little bit more golden than yellow, which is nice to see. The head pours thick but fizzy, and reduces to a trace showing on the top of the beer almost instantly. Carbonation is low for the style which contributes to the complete lack of head within 30 seconds. Clarity is perfect, since obviously we don't want to leave any of the good stuff in there.

Smell: I'm gonna have to come up with a whole host of new words to describe metal this week, I'm sure. This beer definitely smells like a heavier metal; wrought iron or something of the sort. There's actually the slightest hint of apple in there too, which is incredibly reassuring, since I was expecting straight copper.

Taste: Really low on taste. I never thought I'd try a new beer that actually had less taste than all the other macros I've had in the past, but Labatt Blue does the impossible and takes the prize. I'm actually fairly impressed that they managed to get the brew to look like a beer and smell like a beer without actually having any of the taste of a beer. There's a little bit of aluminum flavor from the can, but really other than that, this is pretty much Perrier in a mug with yellow food coloring.

Mouthfeel: Really low on the carbonation, it almost tastes flat, like a Bud that's been left to sit for a few hours. I guess that's Labatt's thing though. I would have preferred a little more fizz but it's not really a huge issue for me. Other than that one little twist the beer feels exactly like any other macro pilsner out there: watery and light, with not much left behind.

Drinkability: Are you kidding me? It's water. I know I said a couple other beers earlier were watery, but this is by far the wateriest. I could easily throw back seven or eight of these in an hour and the only hint that I was drinking beer and not seltzer would be the drunkenness - but even then at 4.7% you're not going to get trashed unless you're really trying hard.

Overall verdict: C. Water is water, what can I say? At least it's not offensively bad.

Allagash Curieux

First Brewed: 2004
Brewery Location: Portland, Maine, United States
ABV: 11%

History & Availability: To finish off Expensive Beer Week, we've got a beer that weighs in at $18 a bottle. The Curieux was Allagash's first beer in their "Barrel Aged" series. Like the bottle text "ale aged in oak bourbon barrels" implies, the beer is actually aged for 8 weeks in Jim Beam barrels, just like a real Kentucky bourbon would be, before being bottled. As a result, the beer is advertised as gaining a "hint of bourbon flavor." We'll see how it stacks up. As for availability, I picked this up the first time I'd ever seen it a couple weeks ago. If you're actually on the hunt for it, you could probably find it with some searching, but this is another of those limited-quantity special brews so maybe not. It would definitely be much easier if you could get into the Portland area.

Appearance: I have a little confession to make; I actually popped this beer open before I was planning on doing the actual review, which is why I knew to make the little joke with the glassware there. The beer itself is a nice hazy tan, almost completely opaque even in the rocks glass. Not much carbonation or head is apparent.

Smell: Yeah, smelling a lot like Jim Beam.

Taste: I'm gonna be straight, this beer tastes like pure whiskey. The alcohol is so present as to have the warming effect of a light liquor, and the bourbon taste has really taken hold. I can't even extract what this beer would have tasted like before it was aged. There's a slight hint of vanilla beneath the whiskey but again it's so backgrounded as to be swallowed up by the main taste.

Mouthfeel: Light, as tripels go. Really heavy-handed on the alcohol feel, which does tend to reduce the density, but of course also warms the mouth and evaporates quickly leaving little to no residue.

Drinkability: Essentially none. The joke about putting the beer in the rocks glass was only partially an exaggeration. You want to drink this beer about as fast as you'd drink bourbon, and I'm not really joking around. Definitely don't drink the full 750mL bottle in one go unless you have the tolerance of an alcoholic who's drunk a fifth a day since 1980.

Overall verdict: A, it's a really, really good beer, but be careful, this shit will get you fucked up.

La Fin du Monde

First Brewed: 1994
Brewery Location: Chambly, Québec, Canada
ABV: 9.0%

History & Availability: Almost certainly Unibroue's most famous beer, La Fin Du Monde (End of the World) is also Canada's most award-winning beer and consistently one of the highest-rated beers worldwide. I can often find it in any specialty shop in NH or Maine, but since we're essentially south Quebec I'm not sure how much further south they penetrate, and the internet isn't being very helpful with distribution figures. Nevertheless I bet special order will be fairly successful with this beer given its high standing among beer enthusiasts.

Appearance: This beer is an slightly cloudy, translucent pure yellow color. Carbonation appears pretty high and similarly the barely off-white head pours very thick and high, staying at a half-fingerwidth after receding. It's actually very much reminiscent of the UFO Hefeweizen in terms of color: brilliant straw-yellow and hazily unfiltered.

Smell: Light and flowery with a bit of citrus and the slightest hint of Italian spices. Totally inoffensive unlike some overbearing citrusy beers. You can smell a little bit of alcohol, which doesn't really surprise me given the high ABV that comes with the tripel style.

Taste: You can taste the yeast here which follows from the beer being unfiltered. In addition the alcohol makes an appearance, as one might expect it might as we near double-digit ABVs. More prominently the beer follows through on the scent's promise of sour citrus; grapefruit or lemon more than orange or anything like that. The aftertaste is warm and surprisingly low on the alcoholic taste, and is definitely more fruity than anything. But despite the above, be aware that this isn't a traditional "fruity" beer. It's actually a lot like a slightly more sour version of Magic Hat #9, which I think you'll agree isn't overwhelmingly fruity, prominent though the taste may be.

Mouthfeel: 8/10 on the smooth scale. It's the slightest bit rough around the edges, intentionally. I think it's probably just a function of the high alcohol content, but it's definitely noticeable. Other than that dry alcohol feel, the carbonation is not too heavy which is a plus, especially since it still stays high enough to keep the head rolling. (I feel like I'm repeating myself here but it's important to recognize this delicate balance.)

Drinkability: Pretty darn good. It's light enough in body that it's really easy to drink the full 750 mL bottle without difficulty. The only thing that you might have trouble with is the classic "taste overload." The beer is complex enough in general that this shouldn't be a problem, but I could definitely see it happening under the right circumstances, and so I can't really discount it.

Overall verdict: A-, it's several of my friends' personal favorite, but not among mine.

Arrogant Bastard Ale

First Brewed: 1997
Brewery Location: Escondido, California, United States
ABV: 7.2%

History & Availability: Stone Brewery, makers of the Arrogant Bastard, actually don't consider this beer to be their flagship, despite it being by far the most popular of their brews and the only one you'll find with any consistency on the east coast. However, it does get some great circulation and I tend to find it almost anywhere craft beers are sold.

Appearance: A medium ruddy color, this beer has a slight head that dissipates to a thin layer within a couple minutes. The beer is totally opaque, and probably the lightest beer I've seen so far that has such a cloudy quality. I can see only slight carbonation, which makes sense due to the relatively small head, but again because it's so cloudy I can't really tell. --Interestingly the head seems to actually increase as you drink the beer.

Smell: Pretty bitter. The hops are definitely prominent in this one, and it's not mild hops either. Hidden beneath the hops are scents of some bitter grain and alcohol, but these are definitely secondary scents that I really had to search for.

Taste: Same as the smell, this beer is aggressively hoppy. The brand's shtick is the arrogant attitude, as the name implies; and as such the bottle proclaims prominently that "you're not worthy" of such an aggressive taste, and I have to say, you probably won't like this beer if you don't have an incredibly refined palate. As the beer warms you get a little more of a sweet taste in the background but the bitter hops always remain prominent in the foreground.

Mouthfeel: Rough. This is definitely not the beer to drink if you're looking for an easy, quick-drinkable brew. It's tough to really hold for any longer than a couple seconds because it's just so bitter. Carbonation is lowish so that's really not the issue, it's totally a taste thing.

Drinkability: I personally have trouble finishing a 22oz bottle simply due to the overwhelming hops. It's not a burpy beer by any means, and it's not too filling, but if you're not crazy about the taste it's going to be tough to have too much of it.

Overall verdict: A-, it's not one of my personal favorites, but it's the best-tasting of the highly-hopped beers I've had yet.

Harpoon Catamount Maple Wheat

First Brewed: 2009
Brewery Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States and Windsor, Vermont, United States
ABV: 6.8%

History & Availability: The Catamount Maple Wheat is the current beer in Harpoon's 100 Barrel series, which consists of beers that are brewed in smaller quantities (namely, 100 barrels) and in a single batch, so are available only for a limited time. This particular beer was first introduced as the 26th in the series in 2009, but was popular enough that Harpoon decided to feature it again as the 35th in the series. The "maple" in the name is not only a woodsy evocation; it was actually brewed with real maple syrup to give it that authentic northern-New-Englandy taste. The beer was bottled on Jan. 21, and these beers tend to run for about two months, so if you want to give it a try you may want to start looking around sooner rather than later. It's only $6 a bottle, which is obviously more expensive than most beers you'll buy in packs, but is one of the cheapest 22oz-ers I've seen around.

Appearance: It looks like maple syrup, so they at least got that down. Maybe a bit redder than the average syrup. Carbonation is slight, but despite this the beer is a little hazy. Head pours low and diminishes quickly to just a trace on the top of the mug without any agitation. With such low carbonation there probably won't be much retention to speak of through the drink.

Smell: Rather than maple, I'm instead getting an aroma that reminds me of soft fruits, like kiwi or mango. I'm actually a little disappointed because the smell of real maple syrup sends me into a wild drool-fest where I start craving corn pancakes and vanilla ice cream slathered in the stuff. Alas, no such luck with the scent of this beer. On the plus side, when they advertised "lightly-hopped" they seem to be taking it to heart, since I can sense almost no bitter aroma from this beer at first glance.

Taste: I taste the wheat, for sure. I don't taste the catamount (although not having a cougar taste is probably a good thing), and sadly I don't really taste the maple. The beer is certainly sweet, don't get me wrong, and the hops have a minimal impact on the taste as advertised, but when I'm really hoping for a truly maple-flavored beer it's disappointing to find that it's just a sweeter-than-average ale.

Mouthfeel: Oddly balanced despite having no hop bitterness to speak of. As mentioned, carbonation is fairly low, but not low enough so that it's flat. Average finish and little aftertaste make this a pretty neutral-feeling beer.

Drinkability: Good. The low carbonation definitely helps out in keeping this beer light in the stomach. And despite my lamentations about the lack of maple, the taste is really quite pleasant, it doesn't strain on you at all.

Overall verdict: B, it really is a pretty good beer, I'm just horribly disappointed by the broken promise of maple syrup.

Victory Storm King Stout

First Brewed: Between 1996 and 2001
Brewery Location: Downingtown, Pennsylvania, United States
ABV: 9.1%

History & Availability: This is the only Victory beer I've ever seen, despite living only a couple states away from PA. Nevertheless that is probably a good sign for saturation of the beer. Victory's website says they distribute to 30 states so if you're in one of those, you can probably find this beer if you search around. Again, it leans a little toward the expensive end, but it's not orders of magnitude more than the average craft beer.

Appearance: Without a doubt, this beer takes its place among the darkest two or three beers I've rated yet. There's a hint of red during the pour but in the mug itself there's nothing but a pure black. The head, while thin, is the darkest and chocolatiest head I've ever had the pleasure of seeing. I couldn't tell you how the retention will be because I literally can't tell if there's tons of carbonation or none at all. The beer is simply that opaque.

Smell: This beer smells retardedly good. Slow to hit the nostrils, but once it does you get a strong sweet dark chocolate aroma with tons of malt suggestion.

Taste: Rich like chocolate, but with an ever-so-slight tartness to it that reminds me of raspberry or fresh pitted cherries. The aftertaste is malty and slightly more grainy than the initial taste, but there's also coffee and the slightest bitterness in the aftertaste that you don't otherwise see. Interestingly, despite the astonishing 9% ABV, you can't taste alcohol in the mouth, and only the slightest hint of dryness in the aftertaste reminds you that this stout has quite a kick to it. Well, that hint, and the fact that after two bottles you feel like you've drunken a full 6-pack.

Mouthfeel: Thick, but unlike a lot of beers that are thick like bread, this stout is thick like melted chocolate. I know I'm overusing the chocolate analogy in this review but I simply can't overstate how decadent this beer is. Carbonation is super thin and kind of creeps up on you, you only really notice that it's there because of what it's doing for turnover in the mouth, not because of the bubbles themselves. It's a very well-done feel.

Drinkability: This is a little burpy for a stout, but it tastes so much like mocha chocolate even in the other direction that I can't complain. The only thing holding it back here is the >9% ABV, which might actually be a benefit for some drinkers. Nevertheless it is still a stout, so you're not going to want to down the whole 6-pack simply due to volume.

Overall verdict: A, outstanding even among its peers, which make up one of my favorite types of beer.

Rogue American Amber Ale

You asked for it! You demanded it! And I'm providing it! EXPENSIVE BEER WEEK is a go! Five increasingly expensive craft beers will grace the ratings over the course of the next week.

 First Brewed: At least 1996
Brewery Location: Newport, Oregon, United States
ABV: 5.6%

History & Availability: America, f*** yeah! Rogue's American Amber has won the World Beer Championships' gold medal for the category for 6 years since 1996, including 5 years in a row from 2003 to 2007. Saturation is probably about the same as any other Rogue brew, meaning specifically that you'll be able to find it anywhere that specialty beers are sold. Slightly more expensive than the average 6-pack, American Amber is nevertheless a popular option when you want a higher-priced beer without splurging on the 22oz bottles of wallet-breaking potential.

Appearance: Rogue's amber ale is, appropriately, a medium-to-dark amber color with a nice tan head and a hazy body. Retention seems decent but not great, since carbonation is on the low side. After I poured the beer, there were actually a bunch of huge film bubbles left in the bottle, which suggests something about the characteristics of the beer but I'm too ignorant to know exactly what.

Smell: This beer has a very faint smell of roasty toasty coffee beans. Not really any more to it than that.

Taste: This is a pretty sweet beer. I can definitely taste the redness even though I couldn't see it, which is a little backwards but interesting nevertheless. As expected, roasty toasty malts take the stage with pleasure here. I can't seem to shake an odd sense of connection with the Rogue Mocha Porter, even though these two beers look nothing like each other - they certainly taste the part. Malts on one end, a little bit of a coffee aftertaste, and low on the hops. I actually haven't really had all that many Rogue beers so I'm hoping they aren't simply the same thing repeated over and over, above-average though that one thing may be.

Mouthfeel: A little coarse around the edges due to the smoky flavor, but the minimalistic carbonation helps to keep the beer smooth even in the face of the flavor trying its best to roughen it up. This is definitely a holdable beer unlike a number of the recent ones I've tried.

Drinkability: Pretty good. Not stellar, but not bad. It's certainly not a burpy beer, but neither is it one that you suddenly find yourself staring at the bottom of the mug wondering where the last pint went.

Overall verdict: B+, see the Rogue Mocha Porter if you're interested in a very similar but slightly darker brew.

Magic Hat hI.P.A.

First Brewed: 2003?
Brewery Location: South Burlington, Vermont, United States
ABV: 6.7%

History & Availability: hI.P.A. is Magic Hat's fall "On Tour" seasonal, so I'm not really sure how I ran across this one. Availability of any of their "On Tour" beers is in general significantly lower than the more ubiquitous year-round brews, so finding this beer in particular is spotty even in-season.

Appearance: A cloudy but exceptionally light-colored beer, hI.P.A. is a pure yellow with lots of carbonation. The head is pure white but frothy and thick like marshmallow fluff. Retention is great due to the carbonation content and the head clings to the glass all the way down. I only had one bottle of this beer that I bummed off a friend, so excuse the half-mug.

Smell: The smell is very strong and herbal; very hoppy with almost no sweetness to speak of. It's not actually as strong as the Harpoon Winter Warmer but damn it, it's trying. The Magic Hat website lists pine but I'm getting much more of a fir scent (which are definitely totally distinct, don't even start with that).

Taste: Super bitter and lots of hops as advertised. As IPAs go this is clearly high on the hops and low on the spice. It feels like there's little hints of citrus trying to poke through but the hops are browbeating everything back to the ground indiscriminately. The aftertaste is toasty like roasted almonds.

Mouthfeel: A little rough, to be honest. The toasty aftertaste translates into an odd smoky feel while it's in the mouth, which isn't really represented in the taste itself but makes it tough to hold for any extended period of time.

Drinkability: A little too heavy on the hops to be drinkable in extreme proportions. I was feeling it take its toll even after the single bottle, and I'm actually glad I didn't have a second because it might have brought the rating down almost by necessity.

Overall verdict: B-, I'll have one from time to time, but I certainly won't seek it out.

Harpoon Winter Warmer

First Brewed: 1988
Brewery Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States and Windsor, Vermont, United States
ABV: 5.9%

History & Availability: As Harpoon's winter seasonal, Winter Warmer is distributed heavily throughout the winter months. Chances are wherever you find Harpoon beer, the Winter Warmer will be available. Harpoon says this beer is available from November to January but it's pretty easy to pick it up for even up to two months after they officially stop distributing.

Appearance: Winter Warmer is a medium-dark maple-colored beer with a creamy tan head. The clarity is really high for being as dark as it is, and you can see the carbonation racing up the sides of the glass as a result. The head itself is really rich and thick despite being relatively thin, so head retention is probably going to be pretty good.

Smell: This is by far the strongest-smelling beer I've rated yet. The second I popped the cap, a huge rush of banana and cinnamon raced into my nose. It's extremely potent and doesn't even really smell like beer at all, but instead some kind of spiced eggnog mixer. I think it's gotta be the slight hint of nutmeg that's making me think of winter; the strong cinnamon smell is really overpowering otherwise.

Taste: This beer tastes like a spiced banana. It surprises me every time I have a bottle how little it tastes like a normal beer. There's no malt taste, no hops taste, nothing at all. The cinnamon taste is, again, really overpowering, but unlike in years past I'm able to notice some little subtleties that didn't exist before. The very first time I had this beer a couple years ago I actually thought someone was playing a joke on me and had dropped an Atomic Fireball in my bottle while I wasn't looking. It was really that stupidly overspiced. For this year's batch it seems like they've toned it down significantly, which is definitely a good thing, but it's still way too much for me.

Mouthfeel: Medium-bodied with a prominent aftertaste. Carbonation is relatively unobtrusive. The issue is that it's extremely hard to focus on how it feels in your mouth with how spiced it is. Unless you really, really enjoy the taste of cinnamon, it actually doesn't matter how the beer feels in your mouth since you won't want to do anything but pour it directly down your throat.

Drinkability: Objectively speaking, the beer is plenty drinkable. It's light in the stomach, not too heavy on the carbonation, and doesn't require too much of your tolerance. But the flavor is never something I'd want to have more than one of. This is one of the few beers I've ever left unfinished simply because I can't bring myself to drink the rest of the bottle. Rare are the times when I'd choose not to drink a free beer, but I think I'd decline this one.

Overall verdict: D+, don't bother unless you've got an insatiable cinnamon craving.

Killian's Irish Red

I had this on tap at the pub and didn't have my phone charged, so I neglected to take a picture and couldn't take notes. But in the interest of completeness I figured I might as well mention that I had it. The beer is brewed by Coors and so as you might expect it's got a pretty macro taste to it. I didn't like it at all. It's slightly better than the average golden lager but really not worth searching out by any means. Jason Alström calls it a "last resort" beer and I'd have to agree with that assessment.

Overall verdict: C-

Löwenbräu Original

First Brewed: 1383, although the formula has changed since then
Brewery Location: Munich, Bavaria, Germany
ABV: 5.2%

History & Availability: So I'm going back through my list and I'm realizing this is the first actual Bavarian beer I've rated yet. If there's one thing you should know about Bavaria, it's the beer, and so this section will serve as a mini history lesson. Bavarians love their beer. The whole region is drenched in it. Bavaria has more breweries than the entire rest of Germany combined (641 of 1275 in 2003), and they host Oktoberfest every year, which traditionally was an agricultural show (and originally a celebration of Ludwig I's marriage) but has become famous for being the largest beer festival in the world, with over 5 million people traveling to Munich to celebrate beer annually. This is serious business. And so as one of only six breweries allowed to operate a tent at Oktoberfest, you know Löwenbräu is serious business too. (Side note: although almost everyone in the U.S. pronounces the name of the brewery something like "Lo-wen-brow," the proper German pronunciation sounds more like "Ler-ven-broi" due to the umlauts. The more you know!)

As for the beer itself, although the recipe has obviously changed over the years due to the Reinheitsgebot and all that, Löwenbräu Original is nominally the same beer that was first served at the Lion's Inn ("Zum Löwen," hence the name) over 600 years ago, which I think is pretty neat. It was absurdly popular in the U.S. in the '80s, which interestingly enough was during the short period of time it was brewed for the North American market under license by Miller (which I'm sure is a name you all recognize), and in fact they used a totally different recipe than the actual Löwenbräu in Germany used, adding corn and taking out a good bit of real malt. Since 2002 Löwenbräu beer in North America has been reverted to the original recipe and is no longer brewed by Miller-Coors (thankfully).

I'll tell you one thing though, these people sure know how to sell a beer:

Appearance: Löwenbräu is a pastel yellow color reminiscent of straw. It pours with a decent-sized but weak white and fizzy head, which has above-average retention for the style. Of course, although it's technically a helles lager, it shares a lot of the pilsner style so as a result its head retention is really nothing special.

Smell: Like old coins. It's a lot like Beck's, a lot like Pilsner Urquell, a lot like most pilsners in fact. I'm a little disappointed that there's essentially no variation between all the beers of this style.

Taste: Still metallic, although I find that there is a little more hops presence than I found in any of the other pilsners I've rated. As I've mentioned for pretty much every other beer in the style, it's not something that stands out in any unique way. It's not a bad taste, but it's simply not interesting enough to keep me coming back.

Mouthfeel: A little bit heavier than the average pils. Carbonation is not too overwhelming, which is a problem that seems to plague a lot of beers of the style.

Drinkability: Pretty great actually, I found myself finishing the second bottle almost without realizing it. The problem is that this is largely a function of being so neutral. I'm sure it's a great hit at Oktoberfest because you can slam down a bunch in a row but if you're actually looking for something tasty to drink I don't think I can recommend this beer.

Overall verdict: C+, meet the new central European pilsner, same as the old central European pilsner.

Harpoon IPA

First Brewed: 1993
Brewery Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States and Windsor, Vermont, United States
ABV: 5.9%

History & Availability: The India Pale Ale style was created in London when merchants needed to find a way to keep beer fresh during trips on unrefrigerated ships from England all the way to India. As a result IPAs have noticeably higher hops and alcohol content than an "average" pale ale. Harpoon was the very first craft brewery in Massachusetts after several decades of the state being completely without local beer, and this is their flagship beer. As one of the most well-established brands in the northeast, it should be easy to find their IPA pretty much anywhere in the region year-round.

Appearance: This IPA pours a light apple juice color with a thin, fizzy, off-white head. Carbonation is about average for the style, but probably not enough to keep the head present throughout the drink. Clarity is excellent.

Smell: As expected I get a lot of hops from this beer. However, they are not quite as bitter as I expected, and instead there is a distinct floral scent. Interestingly there is almost no malt at all so it can't be a non-floral scent masked by the sugar to seem flowery, this has to be a real fresh hops smell. Not much else of note here.

Taste: Very floral. This is a really interesting brand of hops. I was honestly a little nervous since I generally don't like IPAs, since they tend to go way overboard on the malt-to-alcohol transition and leave no sweetness behind, but even though I'm sure Harpoon has made the same decision in regard to their malt, they've managed to get such an infusion of floral hops that it really ends up being ok.

Mouthfeel: Medium- to light-bodied and with not too much carbonation to slow you down. Leaves behind a fairly prominent residue and floral aftertaste that I'm not a huge fan of.

Drinkability: Decent but nothing special. Unlike Long Trail I can't see myself really having any more after I finish my second. Again, not because it's overly filling, but simply because the taste is beginning to wear on me.

Overall verdict: B, pretty good for a style that I don't really care for. I personally wouldn't choose it over many of the other Bs but it's important to cater to all tastes.

Geary's Pale Ale

First Brewed: 1986
Brewery Location: Portland, Maine, United States
ABV: 4.5%

History & Availability: The Pale Ale is Geary's first and flagship beer, so it will have the most widespread distribution around the northeast.

Appearance: This is a mostly-clear deep copper beer, not as dark as the more wood-colored ales, but pretty standard for the style. Carbonation appears slightly above average but the head is making me anxious, it's pretty fizzy and doesn't have much beef to it so I'm nervous that it'll disappear before I get too far into the drink. --As a follow-up, it appears my fears were unfounded, as Geary's goes 4 for 4 on the head retention front. It's definitely a smaller head than some of their other beers but present and able nonetheless.

Smell: Standard for a pale ale, Geary's has some bite in the smell from the hops. Despite the merely average ABV I'm getting whiffs of alcohol dryness coming from the mug. Like Long Trail, this is giving me good contrast; this is a much crisper, sharper scent than most of the maltier beers I've had in the past week or so.

Taste: A very balanced taste, toeing the line pretty well between malt and hops, although near the end of a sip the malt falls off and leaves the bite of the hops a little too much in the foreground. The aftertaste falls heavily on the herbal side, tasting a lot like parsley.

Mouthfeel: Oddly watery. It's made from Maine hard water so it may be the buildup of 20 years of having this from the tap, but I feel like without the bite of the hops this would be just like drinking water out of my sink. It's medium tending towards light bodied which doesn't really help the issue. However I bet if you didn't grow up with Maine well water it's not going to even be noticeable for you.

Drinkability: Decent. It's a little too hoppy to really drink in excess but I had no problem putting back two in a row without killing myself. Because of the relatively light body I'm not really concerned about overfilling, simply more about overtasting.

Overall verdict: B-. I've kind of worked myself into a corner here, it's definitely better than the Shipyard but not quite as good as their own Winter Ale, so here I sit.

Long Trail Ale

First Brewed: 1989
Brewery Location: Bridgewater Corners, Vermont, United States
ABV: 4.6%

History & Availability: Long Trail Ale is Long Trail Brewing's most popular beer, and currently the best-selling craft beer in Vermont, and by far is most popular there. They distribute throughout New England and I've seen their beers in the NY/PA area on occasion, but any further south or west of that and you probably won't find it without a special order.

Appearance: Long Trail Ale is a medium maple-colored beer with a decent amount of carbonation and a thin head that dissipates to just a single layer fairly quickly. Pretty clear for its color. I'm a little disappointed at the lack of head retention but having a thick head isn't at all standard for the style so I can't really take points off.

Smell: Very floral and sweet. Tulips and daffodils abound. It's a welcome diversion after the several MALTS ONLY beers I've had recently.

Taste: Just like the smell, the taste of the ale is a refreshing floral sweetness. The bite of the hops is present but subdued, allowing the main flavor to come through. This actually reminds me a lot of Magic Hat #9. It's a little different in specific taste but very similar in style and direction.

Mouthfeel: Very interesting, it's extraordinarily smooth as you sip, but as you hold it in your mouth the carbonation goes "V-TEC JUST KICKED IN YO" and makes itself known in stellar fashion. The beer is medium-bodied, about average for the style, and lends itself well to taking long, leisurely sips.

Drinkability: Fantastic. There's no overwhelming infusion here to get sick of, but at the same time Long Trail isn't too busy wankin' it over the Reinheitsgebot to make a non-standard taste. Now I'd imagine it would get old after 5 or 6, but unless you're really going for the session chances are it's not going to be an issue.

Overall verdict: B+, another great beer to have on hand as a transition for your friends from macros, and pretty good as a go-to beer for yourself.

Geary's London Porter

First Brewed: Between 1986 and 2001
Brewery Location: Portland, Maine, United States
ABV: 4.2%

History & Availability: This beer won the NY Times' award for best porter in the world. Otherwise it's about as available as any other Geary's, maybe a little less since it's not one of their flagship beers.

Appearance: One of the blackest beers I've had yet, with just a tint of mahogany around the edges. Pours with a thin but beefy dark tan head. Totally opaque. Looking like a porter, no doubt about it. This head looks like it's gonna stick around.

Smell: A significantly stronger smell than the other Geary's beers, the London Porter gets you right off the bat with a strong hit of malt and chocolate. It smells super sweet but definitely in the malty direction rather than a pure sugar direction. Little bit of espresso in there too. Not coffee, because that's way overplayed.

Taste: Largely just malt here. It's definitely not as choco-rich as some other porters. In fact I'd venture to say the chocolate and coffee values have traded places from the smell, leaving a marginally noticeable coffee taste with almost no choco-goodness.

Mouthfeel: Above average in the smooth department. Again Geary's gets the feel right by keeping the carbonation low without compromising the head.

Drinkability: Pretty good, pretty light, not too filling. There's also no excessive added single flavor to make you hate the decision to have a third.

Overall verdict: B, I wish there was a little more complexity but it is a pretty faithful English recreation.

Beck's Dark

First Brewed: A while back
Brewery Location: Bremen, Bremen, Germany
ABV: 4.8%

History & Availability: Beck's Dark is the #1 imported German dark beer, which I'm 100% certain is simply because Beck's has been exporting their pilsner to the US for over a hundred years and brand recognition is a huge bonus. It's Beck's, and Beck's is an export brand, so chances are if you're looking around you'll find it no matter where in the world you live.

Appearance: Almost pure black with just a little chocolate brown edge. Interestingly the head is fizzy, almost white, and super scant, disappearing without a trace after only a few seconds. Again, can't tell much about clarity or carbonation because it's quite dark.

Smell: This is the weirdest thing, I'm getting a coppery pilsner smell reminiscent of regular Beck's from this dark of a beer. There's a little more body to the smell than a regular Beck's but the connection is unmistakable. There's also a decent bit of grain coming through.

Taste: Grainy and sweet. There's a little bit of hops here but it's so faint as to be almost unrecognizable even under the fairly tame grainy foreground. There's a strong sweet aftertaste that lingers for a long time.

Mouthfeel: Carbonation is very low as I sort of expected with the total lack of head. The beer is very light-bodied for being so dark and if it weren't for the taste and color I might honestly mistake this beer for a pilsner.

Drinkability: Unlike some other beers where gas stays low despite prominent carbonation, Beck's Dark despite its low carbonation seems to reach into the aether and retrieve some of that lost gas and instill it into your stomach unbeknownst to you. This beer is really not particularly drinkable compared to its immediate brethren, Beck's in particular, because it's built to taste like a sessioning beer but bodied like a medium pale ale.

Overall verdict: C+, note to Beck's: you can't make a dark lager the same as a pilsner and expect people not to notice.

Geary's Hampshire Special Ale

First Brewed: Between 1986 and 2001
Brewery Location: Portland, Maine, United States
ABV: 7%

History & Availability: Hampshire Special Ale used to be Geary's winter seasonal before the popularity of the beer made them turn it into a year-round production, after which their Winter Ale was introduced. It's generally considered as one of their best and so you'll find it in most any Geary's variety pack.

Appearance: Dark oak in color, still noticeably lighter than a stout though. Smallish tan head with good retention. Can't tell much regarding carbonation or clarity from looking at the beer since it is fairly dark. I guess the difference is it's not quite as opaque as a stout, and you can certainly see some amber color at the bottom of the mug. Still one of the darkest beers I've seen that's still decidedly transparent.

Smell: Can't smell much through this thick head. We'll see if that changes as I start drinking. -- Ah, yes, here we go. Interestingly there's a lot of hops in this aroma, which is certainly present in the taste but in equal quantity with the malts. I'm getting essentially no malt in the smell at all, and instead mostly just bitters. It's a really interesting pairing with the aftertaste which is almost 100% alcohol/sweet.

Taste: Lots of roasted malts coming through here, but at the same time there's a huge rush of hops trying to counteract the sweetness. The combined effect is one of a really tart fruit like currant or raspberry, but without the overtones of any fruit in particular. On the other hand, a really heavy sweetness dominates the aftertaste. You can feel the alcohol lingering on your breath after each sip, perhaps not quite as much as an imperial IPA but present nevertheless.

Mouthfeel: Lighter in body than the color would have you believe, but about as light as any other pale ale. Carbonation is a little much for my liking, but again, I'm willing to forgive that since it only overshoots by a little and it's necessary to keep the head rolling.

Drinkability: Not bad. I was really expecting this beer to be almost undrinkable after the first one since the malt and hops both hit so hard, but as the beer warmed it became significantly less aggressive. Definitely stick to the suggested serving temperature of 50-55 on this one and you'll be fine.

Overall verdict: B+, I was really hesitant to put this one above the Winter Ale since I enjoyed the multiple flavors of that beer, but I have to admit HSA is a really good blend objectively. I'll probably still prefer the Winter Ale on a personal level.

Samuel Adams Boston Lager

First Brewed: 1860; in modern times, 1985
Brewery Location: Originally St. Louis, Missouri, United States; in modern times originally Boston, Massachusetts, United States; now largely Cincinnati, Ohio, United States
ABV: 4.75%

History & Availability: Boston Lager was a recipe brewed by founder Jim Koch's great-great-grandfather Louis Koch, who developed the beer in 1860. Prohibition put an end to that nonsense however, and it wasn't until 1985 when craft breweries were just getting started in America that Boston Beer Company was founded and their first beer, Samuel Adams Boston Lager, hit the market again. Boston Beer Co. has remained the largest craft brewery in the United States since the '80s and as such they distribute to 50 states and 20 countries, so chances are you will have no trouble finding any of their beers.

Appearance: Boston Lager is a medium-to-light maple-colored beer with a decent-sized off-white head. Lots of carbonation in this one, so the head retention is superb. Clarity is pretty good but there's a little bit of haziness from the carbonation.

Smell: Smell those hops, for sure. Hints of sticky sweet like honey or caramel are coming through as well. I'm not sure how I feel about the pairing. It's a little too heavy on the hops to really let malty aromas take the stage like that.

Taste: This is a pretty straightforward beer. Not much off-flavor here at all, just heavy on the hops and a side order of malt. There's a strong aftertaste of hops, not quite as strong as, say, the Harpoon Imperial IPA but strong enough. Fortunately, despite the strong hops taste, it doesn't get too bitter in the aftertaste due to a good effort by the sweet malt to stick around.

Mouthfeel: Not too heavy on the carbonation within the mouth despite the great head retention. Medium-bodied for the style, which also places it pretty squarely in the middle of the body spectrum overall.

Drinkability: Above average but not outstanding. Two or three are easy to put down, any more and I get a little sick of the straight hops. This beer definitely suffers from more-of-the-same syndrome.

Overall verdict: B-, it's a good beer and definitely a great fallback choice but it's just too straightforward for me to prefer it to more complex brews.

Geary's Winter Ale

First Brewed: Between 1986 and 2003
Brewery Location: Portland, Maine, United States
ABV: 6%

History & Availability: Geary's is a pretty small brewery based in Portland - one of the first microbreweries on the eastern seaboard - and while several other breweries have been founded, grown up, and surpassed Geary's size in the area in the past 20 years, Geary's has remained about the same size since its founding in 1983. Their website even lists their customer service staff by name since there's a grand total of two of them. (How quaint!) Their beer is pretty ubiquitous throughout Maine but I don't think I've ever seen it in New Hampshire, so unless you're planning on taking a trip to Portland in the near future you'll probably miss out on this one. Their website says they distribute to 13 states but I'm not 100% certain that's accurate.

Appearance: Pours a clear but dark mahogany brown. Not much carbonation so far as I can tell so I don't expect the minimal head to last particularly long into the drink. Interestingly you can still read through it provided you have a backlit screen, so it really is dark by color and not by unfilteredness (which is now a word, don't worry about it).

Smell: Nice and wintry. I smell a little bit of fir but mostly sweet malt and butter. About halfway through the beer I had to come back and edit this section, I finally figured out what I was smelling, it's brown bread! (Do people outside of New England know what brown bread is? The bread in a can that you have with baked beans? Or is it just me?) Anyway it's really making me crave some good old bean supper, and I couldn't be happier since I bought this beer to have a taste of home and it is totally coming through for me here.

Taste: About as bitter as you'd expect from a winter ale, which is to say, not particularly. On the other hand Geary's has the presence of mind to stay away from over-spicing its winter ale as a lot of other breweries tend to do. The sweetness, on the other hand, is in great quantity here, with flavors ranging from your standard malts to sweeter fruits like banana. I really enjoy this significantly more than a spicier, nutmegier, cinnamonier winter ale so I'm happy Geary's went in this direction.

Mouthfeel: Pretty light-bodied for being so dark, but I bet that's the clarity working its magic. Carbonation is erring on the high side, and I guess I was wrong about the head being liable to dissipate because it's retaining itself pretty well as I get to the bottom of the glass here. I'm definitely going to call this good high carbonation as opposed to the bad high carbonation a number of other beers fell victim to.

Drinkability: High. Again, despite being so dark it is pleasantly light-bodied so you can drink several in a row. It also suffers less from the more-of-the-same syndrome that Shipyard Export had, for example, so it's easy to get through a sixer with no difficulty. I would definitely consider sessioning this beer, and it's nice and inexpensive too so that's not a prohibitive possibility.

Overall verdict: B, I was pleasantly surprised since I haven't really heard much about Geary's before. Fortunately I've got a variety pack from them so we'll see what we come up with in the next few reviews.

Shipyard Export Ale

First Brewed: 1992
Brewery Location: Portland, Maine, United States
ABV: 5.1%

History & Availability: Shipyard's flagship ale, Export is one of the easier-to-find of the brewery's beers. We get Shipyard products over here in New Hampshire fairly frequently, so if you're in New England you can probably find this beer, but if not chances are you won't be able to find unless you special order.

Appearance: Medium honey color with a small, almost-white head. Totally clear and lots of carbonation.

Smell: While this beer doesn't have a particularly strong smell, I do detect hints of a sweet fruit like cherry or pear in addition to the standard sweet malt smell. Nothing really special, I don't expect these smells to be overwhelming in the taste department.

Taste: I'm getting a taste of a more sour fruit here unlike with the smell, something like a grapefruit or sour apple. The hops are really overwhelming the malt here, so it's a noticeably more bitter beer than most of the recent ones I've reviewed.

Mouthfeel: Drier finish than most. The carbonation fortunately stays on the lower end while sipping. It's on the lighter end of medium-bodied, so excessive carbonation would really be a downfall here, but again we fortunately avoid that problem.

Drinkability: Not bad. It is on the lighter end of the body spectrum as I mentioned, so you can continue to drink without feeling too full. The issue is that the taste is nothing to write home about, so you'll probably be done by the end of your second bottle not because you can't have any more, but just because you're kind of done with it.

Overall verdict: C+, not bad but again, nothing special.

Allagash Dubbel Reserve

First Brewed: 1995
Brewery Location: Portland, Maine, United States
ABV: 7.0%

History & Availability: Allagash is a Maine-based brewery dedicated to reproducing the Belgian styles of beer, which are often overlooked in America in favor of British and German ales. Their Reserve line is sold in corked 750mL bottles and bottle-conditioned like a fine wine, inducing an auxiliary fermentation within the bottle, often only seen with the micro-est of microbreweries, which is perhaps why they say that many of their beers improve with age, unlike the vast majority of macros. I personally hadn't heard of Allagash until I picked up this beer at the specialty shop, despite the fact that I'm actually originally from Portland, since they're such a small-yield brewery. Nevertheless I was able to pick this one up as far away as Hanover, so if you're in the New England area you may be able to find Allagash beers provided you check a few stores.

Appearance: The beer itself is a medium brown color, pretty much opaque, with the largest head I have ever seen in a beer. Maybe you looked at the picture and thought "wow you don't know how to pour a beer, huh?" WRONG. This beer just leaves an enormous head no matter how careful you are pouring. The retention is hilariously overbalanced as well. There's still a good two fingers of head ten minutes after I poured this beer. Truly amazing. I have never seen such a thing.

Smell: Now that's a malty smell. Hint of chocolate, but mostly just the sweet, sweet aroma of the Reinheitsgebot. This is how a beer should smell. Not a hint of any adverse or off-scents, just pure malty goodness in an aura surrounding the stein. It's like when you're playing baseball as a kid, your team's just had a great game, and you go out with your dad for a root beer float - it's exactly that sort of idyllic "this-is-exactly-what-I-need" sense of anticipation as I'm getting ready to taste the beer. I'm honestly amazed any smell at all is penetrating through this huge head but I'm glad it does.

Taste: A chorus of angels is singing in my head as I take my first sip. (Oh, wait, that's the Dartmouth 1965 Glee Club with the classic Men of Dartmouth that I queued up just for the occasion. Even so.) I can taste about seven different malts in this beer, each competing for the forefront and trying to push its flavor through, but it's brewed in such a balanced manner that nothing is lost in the shuffle. The hops take a back seat here for the better, although you can still feel just the right amount of bitterness to keep your tongue craving the malts. This certainly isn't one of your fancy fruit-infused foppish beers. This is a beer for a man who loves the taste of malt. And boy, do I love the taste of malt.

Mouthfeel: I think it was Dead Guy that I described as "Oh My God so smooth." I may have found a new champion. With the enormous head retention I was expecting perhaps a bit excessive carbonation but I feel only the amount strictly necessary to keep the beer light and active around the mouth. In addition to that, the beer is amazingly light-bodied given its color and there's essentially no alcohol feeling at all, which is truly something given that it's a full 7% ABV.

Drinkability: Superb. It's so light that you barely notice that you're 20oz through your 24oz mug. I am so glad this beer is bottled by more than a pint and a half, because I find myself wanting more and more. If there's a limit on this taste I certainly haven't reached it.

Overall verdict: A+. I am not giving this out lightly. You have to try this beer.

Harpoon UFO Hefeweizen

First Brewed: 1997
Brewery Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States
ABV: 5.1%

History & Availability: Hefeweizen, a traditional German unfiltered wheat beer, is most popular in Bavaria but has spread slowly to other parts of the world as well. Harpoon's offering is relatively new but sticks to the plan pretty well and has been fairly successful in introducing the style to a new audience. It's among Harpoon's more popular and consistent beers, so if you can find Harpoon in your area, chances are their Hefeweizen is sold as well. Note that there are several other beers in the UFO line, so don't be confused by similar-looking boxes at the store.

Appearance: Very cloudy as you'd expect. It's also super light, a yellowed straw color, so the haze is really pronounced. The head is really fizzy, pure white, and reminds me a little of marshmallows. Lots of carbonation racing up the sides of the mug here. I also noticed when pouring that there was a good amount of sediment left on the bottom of the bottle. They really weren't joking about the "unfiltered." Good on 'em, I say.

Smell: Smells like it could really use a lemon, which is unsurprising given that the box said the same thing. A very light-bodied scent that would probably pair great with seafood. Interestingly this creates more of a feeling of complementarity than a unique smell to itself. Really not much stands out here, hopefully the taste will be more prominent since I'm sadly not going to be having a seafood dinner along with it.

Taste: As someone who grew up on a dairy farm in Maine, let me tell you, hay has a very distinct olfactory package to it, and once you've made an association in your mind it has a tendency to spread. This beer reminds me strongly of wet hay. Now before you take that as an insult, it's really just more of an observation and I'm not entirely put off by it, but this is certainly a taste I've never experienced in beer before and I'm a little surprised that the association so quickly and easily sprang to mind. It's gotta be the yeast that's putting the prominent planty taste in the beer. Besides that, not much hops, not much malt, not much of anything else. The beer is pretty one-dimensional but I still can't get over how odd it is to taste hay in a drink.

Mouthfeel: Medium-bodied, which is expected given how clearly this is not a watered-down beer by any means. Decent amount of carbonation, enough to retain an unexpected level of head throughout the drink. Leaves behind a little bit of a fizz but not enough to really be distracting.

Drinkability: Not bad. It's a little heavier than the average beer of this color, so don't be fooled, but you can definitely throw down a few and be unaffected by the weight. The taste is so different that you may keep coming back for more, as well.

Overall verdict: B-, oddly tasty despite being literally dissolved hay.

Rogue Mocha Porter

First Brewed: Sometime before 2001
Brewery Location: Newport, Oregon, United States
ABV: 5.2%

History & Availability: Another one of Rogue's more popular beers, the Mocha Porter (previously the New Porter, from the brewery's location in Newport) was Rogue's first true porter and remains the one of the most popular of its darker beers today. Although it's not as widespread as Dead Guy Ale, I found it by chance in New Hampshire, so if you keep an eye out you should be able to find this without too much trouble in the more microbrewery-intensive shops and pubs.

Appearance: A deep chocolatey brown, looks almost like a root beer float coming out of the bottle. Huge, dark head with superb retention. This is definitely a porter alright. A close look reveals a little carbonation at the edges, but there may be more that is unseen because of how dark and thus opaque the beer is.

Smell: Surprisingly, there is not an overwhelming scent of coffee or chocolate as I expected the beer might have. Instead there is only a slight hint of coffee and more of a strong sweet malty smell.

Taste: Super sweet. The chocolate really only comes out in the aftertaste but then you can certainly taste it. It's really dominated by the malts, and interestingly there's not much hop bitterness at all, despite the bottle proclaiming a "bittersweet" taste. It's a little bitter, sure, but the sweetness is definitely coming to the forefront here. Now of course this doesn't mean it's a soda or anything, but the hops are just in the backseat on this one.

Mouthfeel: Astoundingly light. This has got to be the lightest porter I've ever tasted. The carbonation is also surprisingly low for how much head the beer retains. Besides the previously-mentioned chocolatey aftertaste, there's not much left behind at all in terms of consistency. Not at all what I expected, but I'm definitely ok with it.

Drinkability: High. Not too high on the alcohol content which is a problem that plagues many porters, and also unlike most beers in the style it's very light-bodied. The only thing that holds you back here is the fact that it sells for around $7 per 22-oz bottle, which is probably too much for most people to really have more than one of too frequently.

Overall verdict: B+. It's good enough that I'd look for it again, but if the more ubiquitous Dead Guy from the same brewery is on tap, I'll prefer that.

Heineken

First Brewed: 1873
Brewery Location: Originally Amsterdam, North Holland, the Netherlands; now mostly Zoeterwoude, South Holland, the Netherlands
ABV: 5%

History & Availability: Another long-running European pilsner, Heineken claims their flagship beer has not had its recipe changed since its first brewing almost 140 years ago. Heineken International is the third-largest brewer in the world by revenue (14.7 billion Euros in 2009) and has an ass-ton of breweries and brands that are heavily exported around the world. Because of Heineken's aggressive exportation you can be practically assured that you'll find it almost anywhere you travel.

Appearance: Slightly darker than your average pilsner, with a good bit of carbonation leading to an above-average head retention for the style (still only enough to cover the surface, however). I actually prefer this look for a pilsner to the sickly straw color you generally get in most US macrobrews and many major euro exports.

Smell: A fairly strong smell for a pilsner that can be pretty succinctly described as "Heineken-like" and people will tend to know what you're talking about. A little metallicy but not too bad. What I get instead is a medium sugary scent. Given the green bottles you may have the misfortune of buying a skunked 6-pack; this is definitely not a good thing so avoid if possible by trying to buy a boxed pack or one that was only just put on the shelves.

Taste: Classic pilsner. Very neutral taste, a hint of copper here, bit of hops there, nothing really stands out, and that's largely intentional. Tastes very watery but it's even a neutral, purified water.

Mouthfeel: Medium-bodied for a pilsner but too much carbonation. Recurring theme. Not really much else to say here, it feels the same as every other marginally-overcarbonated pilsner, and I'm sure you've had at least one before.

Drinkability: Surprisingly, and fortunately, the carbonation that was fairly uncomfortable in the mouth doesn't really translate to carbonation in the stomach. The taste also being largely neutral is a huge boon. Heineken is superbly drinkable and that's why it gets popular with people who are just looking to get shitfaced. Unfortunately this also tends to draw an undesirable crowd (see: My New Haircut). Kind of a shame because this is really one of my top sessioning beers.

Overall verdict: C+, same boat as Beck's; it's pretty good for a macro pilsner but there is absolutely nothing special about it.

Harpoon Leviathan Imperial IPA

First Brewed: 2008
Brewery Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States
ABV: 10%

History & Availability: The second beer in Harpoon's Leviathan series, which features beers with abnormally high ABVs, the Imperial IPA is also the only beer in the series to be brewed year-round and regularly distributed more frequently than the others. Because of its relative popularity, this beer should be easier to find than others of the Leviathan series. I'm not actually sure how well Harpoon distributes nationwide, but you can definitely find this beer in most specialty shops in the New England area.

Appearance: A medium to dark amber color with a very thin, white head that dissipates quickly. Mostly clear and with medium to low carbonation. Nothing special here, looks a little darker than an average IPA but other than that, par for the course. I'm actually surprised that there's so little head retention but then again I'm sure it must be almost impossible with such a high alcohol content.

Smell: The Imperial IPA has a very dark and heavy smell that doesn't really hit you unless you take a strong whiff, and then it really pops out. Smells like a roasted apricot or orange to me, that's really as well as I can describe it. It's tough to extract more because of the nature of the aroma being so tough to get a good strong hit of. I expect it'll taste pretty bitter given the prominent bitterness in the scent.

Taste: Really, really bitter. We're talking 120 IBU's bitter (that's a full 3 times as bitter as Harpoon's regular IPA, for comparison's sake). A little bit of a spicy taste, not overpowering, but enough so that you can clearly notice it, especially in the aftertaste. I can taste a little bit of a dark cherry or spiced grapefruit or something in the background, which might have been nice if it was a little more prominent, but it's just so overwhelmed by the hops that it's tough to tell that it's even there. You can definitely feel the alcohol in this beer in the aftertaste, which is unsurprising given its ABV. Sticks on your breath for a good while, so you'll be feeling the taste of hops all night.

Mouthfeel: Medium bodied tending towards heavy. Little enough carbonation to not be a pain. Finishes dry enough. The feel is I think meant to just be uneventful enough to allow full permeation of the taste, rather than a star of its own.

Drinkability: The strong bitter taste hurts the beer in this category a little. It's really overpowering, enough so that even if you find it delicious you wouldn't want to keep drinking too much. Of course, given how high in alcohol it is, you won't ever want to have more than a couple anyway. Certainly not a beer to session. I got drunk doing this review.

Overall verdict: C+. I'm definitely in the minority on this one; beeradvocate has it sitting at an A-, but its extreme bitterness masking all other flavors ruins this beer for me. You might find it better suited for your palate.

Magic Hat Howl

First Brewed: 2009
Brewery Location: Burlington, Vermont, United States
ABV: 4.6%

History & Availability: One of Magic Hat's newest beers, Howl's Moving - er, I mean, Howl Black Lager - is in the style of the German Schwarzbier, a very dark beer distinguished from stouts and porters by the fact that it is a lager, not an ale as the majority of dark beers are. It's a seasonal offering from Magic Hat, appearing only in the winter. I found it on tap as the weekly special in my local pub, but they also sell it bottled as well. Availability may be questionable; since it's Magic Hat it should be distributed around the northeast, but since it's a seasonal it may not have the same distribution as the ubiquitous #9.

Appearance: Black lager is right. This is a very dark beer, not the darkest I've seen, but a very deep, opaque brown except for a little sliver of molasses-color at the base. Keeps a thin creamy Guinness-style head with a decent amount of carbonation for such a dark beer.

Smell: Very bready. There's a notable chocolate scent and roasted malts are super prominent as well. Behind these is a slight hint of mocha or a dark roasted coffee.

Taste: A little smoky or roasty. There's only slight hints at chocolate despite the smell, and a total lack of any coffee taste, which surprised me since it's tough for a dark lager with such heavy-roasted malts to avoid both of these tastes. Super bready or grainy.

Mouthfeel: Astonishingly light-bodied for such a heavy-looking beer. I guess that's the Schwarzbier style; it's definitely no stout in heft. Caught me by surprise though. There's mid- to heavy-level carbonation for the style, probably a little more than was really needed, but it does help head retention so I'm willing to let that slide.

Drinkability: Middling to low due to the odd lack of flavor. It's certainly light enough to be quite drinkable but it just tastes like you're drinking a can of bread without the classic stout tastes. I would suggest having no more than a pint or two if you really like it.

Overall verdict: B-, I'm bordering with a straight B but I've just had too many good dark beers in my day to really put Howl among them.

Beck's

First Brewed: 1873
Brewery Location: Bremen, Bremen, Germany
ABV: 5%

History & Availability: Beck's hopped on the pilsner train a little later than many, opening its doors in 1873, but quickly became Germany's largest export beer, due in part to its convenient location in northwestern Germany. Today Beck's is still Germany's most popular export beer and can be found in over 100 countries, so you should have no trouble finding a pack if you were so inclined.

Appearance: A very clear and light beer, Beck's stimulates a lot of carbonation while pouring and has a decent amount even while standing, enough to keep a slight trace head, although the initial ~1.5 fingerwidth head is too much to keep standing. A little darker than your average American macrobrew, but only slightly.

Smell: Coincidentally evocative of the key used as its logo, Beck's has a strong scent of copper that is strikingly more pleasant than the average metallic-smelling beer. That's really about it, not much subtlety here.

Taste: There's a little bit of a metallic aftertaste here, but fortunately the overwhelming top smell doesn't carry over to be the overwhelming top taste. The primary flavor here is grainy, almost like a beer made of Corn Flakes. While it's certainly not a sweet beer, I wouldn't call it especially bitter either. You can taste the hops if you know what you're looking for but they definitely aren't standing out among the flavors. Finishes fairly clean and dry.

Mouthfeel: Maybe a little bit too much carbonation for my personal taste, but this is probably just about the right amount for such a pale lager. As light as one would expect from being a clear pilsner.

Drinkability: The carbonation has a tendency to get to you, but as long as you're fine with letting out a belch every now and then, Beck's is perfectly ok to have a few of. Nice and light to allow the flexibility to drink one or several.

Overall verdict: B-, one of my favored pilsners, but the style has yet to match up with the delicious complexity of other beers.