Labatt Blue

You didn't ask for it! You didn't demand it! But I'm providing it anyway! SHITTY BEER WEEK is a go! Five increasingly shitty macrobrews will pull down the grading curve over the course of the next week.

First Brewed: 1951
Brewery Location: Originally Toronto, Ontario, Canada; now London, Ontario, Canada
ABV: 5.0% in Canada; 4.7% in the US

History & Availability: Labatt Blue stole the title of Canada's best-selling beer from one of Labatt's earlier offerings, Labatt 50, in 1979, and although it's no longer the best-selling beer in the country, it is still the best-selling Canadian beer worldwide. With Labatt being the largest brewer in Canada, their current flagship beer is unsurprisingly sold across the country, and imported heavily to the US. An easy way I've found to remember the spread in the US is the following chain: Labatt -> Canada -> ice hockey -> which states play ice hockey? And accordingly, Labatt Blue is most popular in the northern midwest (i.e. Minnesota and the surrounding states) and northern New England/upstate New York.

Appearance: A little bit more golden than yellow, which is nice to see. The head pours thick but fizzy, and reduces to a trace showing on the top of the beer almost instantly. Carbonation is low for the style which contributes to the complete lack of head within 30 seconds. Clarity is perfect, since obviously we don't want to leave any of the good stuff in there.

Smell: I'm gonna have to come up with a whole host of new words to describe metal this week, I'm sure. This beer definitely smells like a heavier metal; wrought iron or something of the sort. There's actually the slightest hint of apple in there too, which is incredibly reassuring, since I was expecting straight copper.

Taste: Really low on taste. I never thought I'd try a new beer that actually had less taste than all the other macros I've had in the past, but Labatt Blue does the impossible and takes the prize. I'm actually fairly impressed that they managed to get the brew to look like a beer and smell like a beer without actually having any of the taste of a beer. There's a little bit of aluminum flavor from the can, but really other than that, this is pretty much Perrier in a mug with yellow food coloring.

Mouthfeel: Really low on the carbonation, it almost tastes flat, like a Bud that's been left to sit for a few hours. I guess that's Labatt's thing though. I would have preferred a little more fizz but it's not really a huge issue for me. Other than that one little twist the beer feels exactly like any other macro pilsner out there: watery and light, with not much left behind.

Drinkability: Are you kidding me? It's water. I know I said a couple other beers earlier were watery, but this is by far the wateriest. I could easily throw back seven or eight of these in an hour and the only hint that I was drinking beer and not seltzer would be the drunkenness - but even then at 4.7% you're not going to get trashed unless you're really trying hard.

Overall verdict: C. Water is water, what can I say? At least it's not offensively bad.