Heineken

First Brewed: 1873
Brewery Location: Originally Amsterdam, North Holland, the Netherlands; now mostly Zoeterwoude, South Holland, the Netherlands
ABV: 5%

History & Availability: Another long-running European pilsner, Heineken claims their flagship beer has not had its recipe changed since its first brewing almost 140 years ago. Heineken International is the third-largest brewer in the world by revenue (14.7 billion Euros in 2009) and has an ass-ton of breweries and brands that are heavily exported around the world. Because of Heineken's aggressive exportation you can be practically assured that you'll find it almost anywhere you travel.

Appearance: Slightly darker than your average pilsner, with a good bit of carbonation leading to an above-average head retention for the style (still only enough to cover the surface, however). I actually prefer this look for a pilsner to the sickly straw color you generally get in most US macrobrews and many major euro exports.

Smell: A fairly strong smell for a pilsner that can be pretty succinctly described as "Heineken-like" and people will tend to know what you're talking about. A little metallicy but not too bad. What I get instead is a medium sugary scent. Given the green bottles you may have the misfortune of buying a skunked 6-pack; this is definitely not a good thing so avoid if possible by trying to buy a boxed pack or one that was only just put on the shelves.

Taste: Classic pilsner. Very neutral taste, a hint of copper here, bit of hops there, nothing really stands out, and that's largely intentional. Tastes very watery but it's even a neutral, purified water.

Mouthfeel: Medium-bodied for a pilsner but too much carbonation. Recurring theme. Not really much else to say here, it feels the same as every other marginally-overcarbonated pilsner, and I'm sure you've had at least one before.

Drinkability: Surprisingly, and fortunately, the carbonation that was fairly uncomfortable in the mouth doesn't really translate to carbonation in the stomach. The taste also being largely neutral is a huge boon. Heineken is superbly drinkable and that's why it gets popular with people who are just looking to get shitfaced. Unfortunately this also tends to draw an undesirable crowd (see: My New Haircut). Kind of a shame because this is really one of my top sessioning beers.

Overall verdict: C+, same boat as Beck's; it's pretty good for a macro pilsner but there is absolutely nothing special about it.